6 Things to Try Before you Separate

Some things can be easily replaced, but relationships are unique. We build them on love, trust, and we choose this unique person and entrust them with so much about us. Together, we share the present, the past and the future. Some relationships, unfortunately, do not work out. When they don't, the partners begin to consider and even discuss divorce. In our days, separation has become the ultimate solution to relationship problems. Yet, when separation is looming, can it be prevented by a joint effort? Here are six things to try before separating or divorcing:

1. Initiating a discussion

Communication is a major key to preventing separation in a relationship. When a relationship is ending, one or both partners shut down, bottle up and lose contact, ultimately losing common ground and going their own ways. It does not matter who initiates a discussion as long as it's there. Trying to prevent separation entails communicating and discussing problems, their causes, effects and determining whether you can address them together. However, if you are the one who always comes first to apologize, takes the guilt and initiates the dialog, there might be an issue with the relationship roles. It is also something that can be discussed.

2. Transparency and candid sharing

In a relationship, sharing ideas, thoughts, feelings, opinions, goals, things that make you unhappy, natural worries and pleasures can help you avoid separation. Transparency in a relationship means both partners are at ease with each other and are open to talk with each other freely. It helps both partners reduce misunderstandings by making things clear. It helps pave the road for feeling unashamed of who you are. When a couple is considering separation, the partners may consider transparency dangerous, because it potentially provides an opportunity for manipulation and guilt-placing. When cheating is involved, transparency might also be impossible altogether. However, even separation can be carried through with respect which is facilitated by transparency.

3. Remembering why you appreciated your partner

When a couple considers separation, it's safe to assume that there has been a major loss of respect in the relationship and that its value has gone down significantly. Loss of appreciation for your partner, or their loss of appreciation for you can be a significant factor in your couple's impending separation. It might be a good time to remember why you respected and appreciated them in the first place. What was it about your connection that made your relationship valuable? What were the things that allowed you to stay in the relationship and plan for the future? Appreciation and respect go a long way in repairing a strained relationship. They should, however, be sincere, not phony as a means of expressing passive-aggressive feelings.

4. Understanding what still unites you

Separation can lead to the resolution of a couple's problem, but due to its drastic nature, it comes as either the last resort or as a result of an angry outburst. So, before separation knocks on your door delivering the news that there are more things that disunite you than unite you as a couple, it is a good time to ask: what is it that still unites us as a couple? The answer might not necessarily be: the children or the financial bonds. Perhaps you still enjoy joking with one another, trust each other, and feel comfortable around each other at times. Counting the blessings for the reasons you are together, might bring back fond memories and offer an answer to the question of whether there is a common basis for maintaining the relationship.

5. Understanding each other's perspective

Everyone has their own opinion and perspective about life and relationships. Separation usually comes from dissatisfaction with the partner's perspective or a lack of interest in hearing and grasping it. Even if separation is inevitable, your significant other's point of view is very important in order to not lose contact with them. It's fine to disagree and have your own view on different life and relationship issues. Making an effort to listen and understand what your partner thinks and considers important, on the other hand, can become a significant relationship milestone in mending the relationship.

6. Learning to argue

Almost nobody loves arguing. However, when thoughts of possible separation appear, they are frequently accompanied by arguments and quarrels. Even if there are no plans to split, a relationship entails more than one person, and hence an occasional clash of interests. A flexible and adaptive relationship is the one that can contain different conflicting interests and allow them to co-exist, at least for a while. Learning how to handle arguments in a relationship is an extremely important communicative asset. That is, not all arguments can be prevented, in fact, preventing all arguments is harmful since the underlying feelings will simply get repressed. One needs to learn to argue, without humiliating or blackmailing their partner. Handling an argument means sharing sentiments instead of taking revenge, listening to your partner's perspective, and communicating yourself clearly - what you want and what you object to.

Published by author on Complicated.life: https://complicated.life/blog/preventing-separation-strategies/